Blog # 2 - All the things I have done....

At first I did nothing, I said I was going to stop everyday and I hid it and lied about it. So by lying to the world I tricked myself and pretended it wasn't real. Then I got "outed" by my older sister - that is another story - so the journey began to "cure" myself.

1. Family doctor - Zoloft and referral to Psychologist. (senior yr of high school)

A. ZOLOFT - not sure it helped me with the trichotillomania, but it def helped with my crazy depression and out of wack mood swings - sorry Ma and Pa I know I was not your ordinary child.

B. PSYCHOLOGIST - my parents sent me to a therapist when I was 12-13, well cause I was morbidly depressed and hated life. BUT two things wrong - it was the same one my Dad was seeing and I was young and stubborn - so I never said more than two words. Hi and Bye basically. So when I went on my own accord it was helpful, but not with Trichotillomania. I was in the party scene at that point, so no matter how much therapy could be provided, nothing could override the major come downs I was having every other day that fueled hour upon hour sessions of pulling until I finally fell asleep. (Hmm wonder how my brain go so wired to use Trich as my safety blanket?)

2. ABH - http://www.behaviortherapynyc.com - Dr. Suzanne Feinstein - Freshman College

It was all new to me! I had to log my pulls, I had to be conscious of when and what I was doing, then when the pulls decreased I had to log when and what I was doing when I had urges and how strong the urges were. I had to listen to a relaxation tape, I had to talk about pulling!! I made it 7 days that I remember pull free. Then my momentum when down, I went home for summer, it was too expensive and health insurance was not reimbursing so stopped. It really was my motivation, I was like I didn't pull for a period of time I don't need to finish therapy!! BUT it taught me things that were so useful and had me on the right track, but I lost interest. I started to wild party - drinking and smoking weed everyday. There was no room for follow through on therapy. So it ended and I continued to pull.

3. ABH - http://www.behaviortherapynyc.com - Dr. Ori Shinar - Senior College

And I went back to therapy. I did well - my BF actually called and set me up with my first visit as I did not want to go back, I dreaded it. The money and the talking thing. I am not so good with really saying how I feel, I like to just pretend I am not feeling any of those bad feelings. But eventually as I followed the techniques - squeezing lemons, bandaids on the fingers, tracking every pull, putting every hair in the envelope I slowed the pulling down. But I just couldn't quit pulling. So eventually after 7 months to a year of therapy I stopped going again.

4. Secret Mane - http://secretmane.com - Charlene and Sheila!! I wore a wig. 25 yrs old.

The wig itself was annoying, but really not that bad. It literally was super glued to my remaining hair - well not super glue but some cosmetic, safe glue. FYI I was completely bald on the crown of my head. I have that really cool combover look going - you know the one 70 yr old men do? The girls were amazing. I was terrified to go. Charlene was so soft spoken and caring. Her an Sheila did my consultation and they genuinely were excited, they laughed and smiled together and couldn't wait to get my hair piece ordered and to install it. The idea behind it was to make it permanent so I could not get my lil fingers under the wig to pull out the hairs. It worked - 10 months later I had long locks on the top of my head that fell into sexy bangs. BUT as I did not follow through and took the wig off early as I was so excited and I did not go to my therapist during the transition - I ended up back were I started 5 months later. Oh right that is where I am now.

5. Back to Dr. Shinar at ABH along with Psychiatrist - www.modernpsychiatry.org - 26 yrs

A. ABH - Just gotta do it again. I have to follow through and do my check ins and get this bad boy back under control.

B. Dr. Schwartz - He put me back on Zoloft. I was getting insanely depressed and suicidal thoughts raced through my head. It was only after my medicine kicked it was I able to focus in therapy w/ Dr. Shinar. He also told me to start taking N-Acetyl Cysteine - check out the study here: http://clinicaltrials.gov/ct2/show/NCT00354770 - I did not notice the difference it takes 2 months or something, but when I forgot to take it for 3 days, my urges skyrocketed!! So I would say it helps.

6. In conjunction w/ therapy I did a Keratin Treatment - darling James!! revolversalon.com

My hair feels awesome - it all feels the same. None are thicker or thinner than the other and my hair is slick with no crazy frizz. And i got a stellar haircut with my shit hair! One thing - my hair being so soft just make me want to touch it more! Ha!! But I am not finding the different hairs to mess with, so that is positive.

7. Writing a blog. Check it out here.

So this was long...but I think it sums everything up that I have tried. One thing to note somewhere in the early stages of things I tried Clomipramine - major no no. It made me pull more and was awful to come off of.

Next blog is going to be personal and about feelings.